Wilfred's Other Woman & The Snake....

This is the other Lady Wilfred has been spending so much time with. He asks me if I am jealous. I always respond with a "No, not really." and a smile. Her name is Sequoia. She was really my mom's but she has fallen deeply in love with my Husband. Their affair has become somewhat humorous to me. Sometimes after dinner Wilfred will say thanks for the meal and dash off to be with his other woman. Then he doesn't come home until well after dark. Part of me can't get too jealous since I have been spending more time with another man. I figure it is only fair. Levi is big and strong and loves the attention I give him. Maybe I will get a picture up of him soon. It figures that my Husband would go for a much younger woman and I would go for a much older man. Levi is even older than Wilfred. Wilfred and Sequoia got off to a bit of a rough start...his hiney might have been a little sore from hitting the ground. However he caught right back up with her and laid it out straight...more specifically he defined the terms of their relationship. Now when he goes to see her she will come running to him. She will stick her nose right under his arm and nicker contentedly. Yes, I must admit I've been bumped to second place in my husband's book. I really don't mind one bit! Yesterday a little before noon I got a phone call. It was my mom and the conversation went like this; me "Hello." mom "You a snake killer?" Me "No" Mom "oh, ok then." Me "Why? mom " Aunt Diana has a snake at her front door." me "does it have rattles?" mom "no" me"tell her I'm on my way" My aunt had just gotten home from getting groceries and pulled up to find this bullsnake warming himself up against the house near the front door. My aunt is terrified of snakes! The mere thought of a snake can send her into shock. So when she saw the snake she stayed in her car and called my mom hysterical. I was the closest person who could go to kill the snake. Any man was at least 30 minutes away. The kids and I hopped into the car and headed over. I grabbed a hoe from our garage. on my way there I called Wilfred and told him what I was up to and asked him for advice. I have never had to kill a snake before. He told me to whack it a million times and cut the head off. No problem right.... I hopped out of my car and went to town on the snake. (I first made sure it really didn't have any rattles) Their dog was going nuts! I finally got the hoe on to its head to cut it off and lo and behold I had grabbed the dullest tool in our garage! So I thought well I will just step on its head and put the stupid thing out of its misery. Just as I was about to get my shoe well centered over its head their dog grabbed it by its tail and started shaking it to death. I just stepped back and let the dog take care of the dirty work and then called him off. The snake didn't move. There was some blood coming out of it's mouth and I thought well it's dead for sure! So we stood around and talked for awhile. I grabbed up an empty planter and scooped the snake into it. It still hadn't moved a muscle. I put the planter with the snake in it in the trunk of the car. Then I loaded up the kids and headed for home. At this point some of you may have realized that I hadn't cut off the head. So you may be guessing what happened next. When I got home I backed the car in as I normally do. I was feeling pretty good as I had just taken care of a snake and I was excited for Wilfred to get home and see my kill. As I opened my door I looked down as the snake fell out onto my running board. At the same time Clayton had unbuckled and turned around in his seat to see the snake. He screamed "Mommy it's not in the trunk!" I was in shock the stupid snake had made its way out of the planter and up under 2 rows of seats and then the drivers seat to wrap it's self around my feet. I grabbed my phone and called Wilfred. I said if I wasn't hysterical before I am now. I told him where the snake was and what had happened. He started laughing and said, "I guess you missed the part about make sure you cut his head off." It was hissing but too weak to really strike. I leapt out the car and over it. I opened the trunk and grabbed the hoe. I went to town on the thing. This time I made sure to cut it's head off. I left the head, the body, and the blood on Wilfred's side of the drive pad. I told him it wasn't funny and he could deal with the rest when he got home. Needless to say I think I am now out of the snake business. I will just leave that to the men. It measured out exactly 4 feet long.